Are you applying to jobs? In this economy???

Well, I have some actual, genuine advice for you: try not to sound like an AI wrote your application. If you’re filling out job applications with AI assistance, I am begging you to reconsider!

Disclaimer: my advice might suck

I am writing this from the perspective of a human who is reviewing applications and frustrated by the sheer volume of AI slop coming into my inbox. Said slop might legitimately be effective for getting past software that automatically screens applications. Maybe phrases like “leverage high-impact scalable cutting-edge solutions” sound perfect to them. I am not a bot; I speak not for them. You are much more likely to be evaluated by a bot than by me.

Depending on your goals, your optimal strategy might be to ignore my advice completely, or even do the opposite of what I suggest.

But if a human is reviewing your application, you should…

…sound like a human

I fed the job description I’m hiring for into Claude (fuck Sam Altman) to get answers to our screening question, “Why are you interested in this role?”

I actually had to ask Claude to dumb down its responses because they were, somewhat horrifyingly, quite good. I guess people are using ChatGPT? (fuck Sam Altman) So, if you wish to use AI to fill out your job applications, I guess I have to recommend Claude. Make of that what you will.

Anyway: I generated these myself, and they are unrelated to any actual job applications I have received, though I wouldn’t be surprised if the edit distance with some of the applications in my inbox is quite small.

AI slop sounds like:

*I am excited about this opportunity because it represents an excellent chance to leverage my technical skills and contribute to meaningful work. The role offers the perfect combination of challenging technical problems and the opportunity to make a real impact. I am particularly drawn to working with modern technologies and building scalable systems that drive results. The company’s commitment to innovation and excellence aligns perfectly with my career goals and professional values. I am eager to collaborate with talented team members and contribute to the organization’s continued success.

This position immediately caught my attention as it offers an exceptional opportunity to drive impact through cutting-edge technology solutions. I am passionate about leveraging data-driven approaches to solve complex challenges and optimize performance. The role’s focus on building robust, scalable systems using modern cloud technologies aligns perfectly with my expertise and career aspirations. I am excited about the prospect of working in a collaborative environment with cross-functional teams to deliver high-quality solutions. The company’s commitment to innovation and growth presents an ideal platform for me to contribute my skills while advancing my professional development.

I am highly interested in this role because it provides an outstanding opportunity to make a meaningful impact through technology. The position offers the chance to work on important projects that drive real results and create value for users. I am particularly excited about building and maintaining systems that help organizations achieve their goals more effectively. The technical challenges involved in developing scalable data solutions align well with my background and interests. I look forward to contributing to a team-oriented environment where I can apply my skills to deliver exceptional outcomes.

I am interested in this position because it offers excellent opportunities for professional growth and skill development. The role provides the chance to work on challenging technical problems while contributing to impactful projects. I am excited about the collaborative work environment and the opportunity to learn from experienced team members. The position aligns well with my career trajectory and desire to take on increased responsibilities. I believe my technical background and enthusiasm for innovation make me well-suited to contribute to the team’s success and help drive the organization’s objectives forward.

You get the idea.

What about resumes?

Resumes are a different story, and absolutely should be optimized for automated screening software. I would 100% recommend that you feed your resume and every job description you are applying to into Claude and ask it to tailor your resume accordingly. That’s what your (smart) competition will be doing, after all.

However, I suggest you think twice before including a summary that sounds like:

Highly motivated and results-driven software engineer with 5+ years of experience developing cutting-edge applications using modern technologies. Passionate about delivering exceptional user experiences and leveraging innovative solutions to drive business growth. Proven track record of successfully collaborating with cross-functional teams to implement scalable, high-performance systems.

I would be surprised if this actually helps resumes get past automated systems, and to a human eye, it’s boring and unhelpful. (I would personally recommend against having any summary at all - but that’s just, like, my opinion, man.)

Please stop submitting AI slop

I see so many applications responding to screening questions with offensively generic answers like the examples above. It really hurts my brain, not least of all because it is so comically low-effort. I mean, give me an hour and I could vibecode something that auto-applies to Software Engineer job postings with better-tailored responses.

If you’re gonna do it, at least make an effort

The job market right now might be so fucked that maybe you should consider a firehose approach and use your (vibe)coding skills to write your own auto-applier. Surely people do this because it works some of the time, right? And if you’re as talented a software engineer as you think you are, you should be able to write an auto-applier that is more convincing than whatever clown-ass foolishness is clogging my GOD damn HIRING PIPELINE.

Selfishly, though, I’d rather you didn’t. At the very least, you should keep a human (you!) in the loop. Don’t do it for me; do it for you.

Wait so how should it sound

Remember: my advice might suck. But here’s my take, and I’ve been hired a few times:

Sound like a version of yourself that spells every word correctly and uses well-formed grammar. Be conversational; casual, even. Write from the heart.

Or, if you can’t bring yourself to do that, at least scuff up the AI-generated responses with some imperfections, or something.

Really? That’s your advice?

Hey, you get what you pay for! But okay, something more specific: stay away from the generic diction that you probably read about on WikiHow back in 2019. The game has changed; you must change with it.

So, I dunno, I just made these up, but they would get my attention:

I am tired of working in the private sector to help corporate fatcats afford yachts and vacation homes. The world is on fire and I don’t want my legacy to be that I helped an embarrassingly profitable company optimize their marketing spend to make even more money. I confess I’m not completely sure what COMPANY does, but if it helps MISSION, count me in. I have a ton of experience writing crazy data pipelines and picking up new skills as I go, and I’d be really excited to join your team.

I’ve heard really great things about COMPANY from PERSON. The work you do in FIELD is really important because REASONS. With my strong background in SKILLS and my track record of quickly figuring out new skills as needed - for example, I picked up React in my last role and within 2 months had shipped a new crosstabs feature to our analytics platform - I am confident that I could hit the ground running and immediately start contributing to your team. I actively enjoy it when I get to learn new skills, and I look forward to seeing what you throw at me.

Maybe those are cringe in their own way, but they don’t use the words “results-oriented” or “utilize” or “opportunity” or - God forbid - “leverage.”

While we’re on the subject

There is literally no good reason to use the word “utilize.” It’s just “use” but pretentious. Say “use.”

In conclusion?

Look, when it comes to using AI to write code, brainstorm, bounce ideas around, and so on, I’m about as accelerationist as they come. Let’s fucking go, fucking belay me while I climb this learning curve and do a sick ollie off the top. (Don’t @ me, climbers, and don’t tell me I have to “use my legs” - I know what you mean and it’s disgusting.)

But - call me old-fashioned - I think people can, and should!, hold themselves to the standard of being able to write a paragraph or two from their own brains.

If you honestly can’t explain why you’re interested in a role, I don’t know, maybe think about why that is? I mean, I could bullshit a decent response to that question for any role. Stripper, Republican, ICE agent, you name it. Is that ghoulish and mercenary? Maybe? My point is that this shit shouldn’t be hard, even if you’re making stuff up - though it is easier to be genuine if you can.

Alternatively:

You didn’t hear it from me, but you could just copy-paste this entire post into Claude to help it generate more convincing responses to job application questions. If the AI slop in my pipeline was good, I wouldn’t be calling it “slop” and blogging about it. Alas!

OK but can you at least acknowledge this is all bullshit

I get it - it’s rough out there, applying to jobs is a numbers game, and it’s hard to find time to write human responses to dozens of job postings that will probably use some shitty AI sorting hat to review you along with 500 other candidates. It sucks real bad. We have wasted this world, squandered this timeline. I don’t know what the future holds.

But if you want a job, your odds with me will be more favorable if you apply like a human. We haven’t hit the singularity/AI apocalypse just yet. Unpolished, raw humanity still counts for something.